she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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