Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
