I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
