I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
