note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
