I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize