I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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