Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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