Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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