She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
