is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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