at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
