You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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