Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it hurts more in the daytime
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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