maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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