i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
