Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
