She said her name was "party"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
