Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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