ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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