Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're too hungover to prance.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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