Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
