And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
