We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
