I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
