my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
