I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
