I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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