Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
