epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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