I must be too annoying 4 u.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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