Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Randomize
