i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
