Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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