I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
