I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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