is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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