i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
