he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
