Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
