Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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