hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
