It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
