did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
