I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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