i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
