please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
