now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
