just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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