so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
