I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
