Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
