oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
