im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
