I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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