so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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