Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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