so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
