I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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