Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
