I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
