I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
