ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
