Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
