Me too!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
