Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
