Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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