Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
